The Desires of My Heart

Some days the monotony of everyday life sneaks in and rubs out the images of desire in my heart. Some days, I feel like this is it...this is the life that I am going to lead..right here in Richmond, VA. Not that there is a thing wrong with my life. I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing for this time. I am a mommy, a teacher to my girl, a rather involved auntie, a sister, a friend. These are good things...I even believe that they are God's best for me at the moment.

BUT...this is not all there is to it. There is more coming. I do not know when, for only He knows the perfect timing of my life and His plans for me....but there is more. For days now, the passions and desires of my heart have been screaming at me...they will not be silenced by monotony. They refuse to be forgotten. They cause an ache in my heart that I cannot ignore.

There is a deep desire in my heart to be in the prayer room at a house of prayer...to sit in the presence of the mighty God and minister to Him. There is a call ,that is too loud to ignore, to lead worship, to sing songs of love and truth to the Father, about the Father, His Son and His beautiful Holy Spirit. And when I really let my heart go and dream big...I want to do this in prayer rooms planted all across the globe.

And then there is India. I want to minister to the poorest of the poor...to be in the dirt with them,to live real life with them, to serve them, to love them, to share His love with them. There is a tug in my heart for Nepal, for Tibet, oh let's be real here...just send me to Asia God!

And then...the orphans, the widows, the trafficked, the pre-born....my heart cries out for justice. I desire that the broken hearted would be healed, the captives would be set free, the babies would be born and loved and cared for..adopted into families who long for them.
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And all of this is in addition to the beautiful gift of loving and raising my precious Mia.

I feel like the voice of my desire has been so loud and so unrelenting, that maybe if I write it all down, it will hush a bit. But honestly, I feel my heart is just stirred even more for the things that God has planned for me.
The scripture that keeps coming up lately...for me, for others I am praying for... is this one:

Jeremiah 29:11-13

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹¹ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. ¹² Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

So...I will call upon Him, I will pray to Him, I will seek Him, and I will search for Him with my whole heart...and He promises, I will find Him. He will lead me into the life He has for me. He will guide me. He will align my desires to His, because He has the very best for me. In this, I am confident.

So....I will let the desires shout and I will not silence them. 

True Love

Tonight I had a blip of revelation about true love...perfect love. I had the absolute pleasure of going to a party with some friends tonight. I was surrounded by folks who live a very different lifestyle than I do. As I looked at each face and listened to them chat with each other, I felt a sweetness in my heart toward them. Not because of anything they did...it was just a feeling. As I drove home, it hit me what that feeling was...it was love. The kind of love that loves without condition. The kind of love that sees deep into a heart, beyond choices, beyond  lifestyle...and sees the beauty of the person. 

It says in Song of Solomon 1:5 " I am dark, but lovely." In this brief comment, the Shulamite is saying that she sees her darkness, the dark blotches of sin on her heart YET she knows that to her Beloved, she is lovely. He sees past her current state and He sees the person He created her to be. He says she has value, that she is a treasure. He sees her, not as man sees her , but He sees deep into her heart.

Tonight, I think I felt a bit of His love like that for others. I saw past the lifestyle and into the heart. I felt the depth of His love for His creation...and it was sweet. Love...perfect love...there is nothing else like it.

A Reminder

I love the Christmas season. I love buying gifts. I love twinkling lights. I love decorating the tree. I love being with my wild, crazy, and unique family. I love thinking on the birth of Christ at Christmas, no matter what time of year He was actually born. I love the hustle and bustle of being busier at work. I really do love it.

BUT...it is so easy to get caught up in the business of life, of doing and going and working, that I forget that I was made to "be". Like Mary of Bethany, who chose the good part, I was made to know God. I was made to sit and listen. I was made for a relationship with the Creator of the universe. I was made to worship, to love, to follow after Him. As I sat in the quiet this morning, worshiping and praying, I was reminded. David said it in Psalm 27.

Psalm 27:4
One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple.

It is good to be busy, to enjoy it, to make money, to shop, to decorate and all the other things that come with every day life and the increased intensity of those things that come in December, BUT it is more important to be reminded that this is not the thing that makes life full. This is not what satisfies the human heart. This is not what I was made to do full speed ahead day after day after day. My satisfaction comes from the Living God. My satisfaction comes from knowing that I am loved by the One who created me. My satisfaction comes in knowing that I was made to know Him and to reveal His incredible, unconditional love to others.

Today, I am thankful for the reminder that life is not all about going and doing and buying and selling and running here and there...it is about so much more than all of that. There is One who is worthy of my time, my devotion. When I sit with Him in the quiet, He realigns my heart, my thinking, my purposes, and I am then able to face the world with His heart and His eyes. I can love with His heart, see with His perspective, and I can more successfully put the first commandment in first place. For only then, can I even consider the second greatest commandment. Jesus said in Matthew 22,

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.

So today, I start afresh with the reminder that He is first..always. He is my calling and my purpose. When I put Him first, everything else falls into place.