Beauty for Ashes

This morning I was doing my Bible study on the book of Ruth and the Lord invaded my heart in a mighty way. First, He put a beautiful little verse in my heart for today: Psalm 118:24 This is the day the Lord has made;We will rejoice and be glad in it. Since today is Dave's birthday, I thought about how wonderful to rejoice in the gift of this precious man. Then the Bible study touched on the topic of barrenness, discussing some of the women listed in this particular section (Leah, Rachel, Tamar and of course, Ruth). It asked if there was a place in my life that had been touched by barrenness. What a question...I mean, wow, yes, I have been touched by barrenness. In the days (about 5.5 years worth of days) between the separation from my first husband and when Dave entered my life, there was some serious barrenness. As I thought on it this morning, I could see how my heart had been like a cracked and dry desert...you know, like with tumble weeds blowing through and not even a green cactus growing. Now, I had a rich relationship with God, so my heart was not totally dry and barren, just the part that had been made for relationship, oneness with a husband, marriage and the sweetness of intimacy that comes with having a husband for your best friend. I struggled so many days with waiting, knowing I had been made for marriage, love, deep relationship and intimacy, yet also knowing it was not yet time. My heart ached, longed, yearned for it to come. Proverbs 13:12 was the scripture that stuck with me like a friend, whispering its promise into my heart day after day. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. I clung to the promises of God and trusted Him for the right timing and the right man. My thoughts wandered from time to time, trying to decide who that right man was going to be, trying to hurry things along, since God seemed a little slow to me, but ultimately, the Lord kept me safe and held me close, saving me from myself!

As I continued on in the study, it had me read Isaiah 61:1-3, which just so happens to be one of my life scriptures, having been a powerful force in my life since about 1995. 
“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
3 To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

Oh, the power of this text! The most powerful line to me during my time of barrenness was "to give them beauty for ashes". I believed that the Lord was going to take this burned down, torn up life that I held in my hands and give me beauty in return. What I did not know, was how much beauty He was going to give me. That is what hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. What a beautiful, loving, kind, giving God we serve. I handed Him ashes...a heart that had been crushed, wounded, rejected...a life where dreams and hopes had been set aflame and destroyed...just ashes...dirty, sooty, worthless ashes. In return, He gave me beauty beyond measure. He gave me Himself, a relationship with the Living God, the redeemer of my soul, the greatest Lover  there has ever been or ever will be...and it is a relationship born out of brokenness, loneliness, desperation, suffering and barrenness. I could not have gotten it any other way, and I would not sacrifice it for ease and happiness in those dry, painful days. Then He gave me Dave. Oh happy day!!! This man is beyond anything I could have ever imagined. He is so kind and so full of love and so eager to just pour it out freely and fully and abundantly. He surrounds me with love. He spoils me with love. He looks at me with adoration and I am just blown away! How? How could there even be this kind of love? Only Jesus...that is how! Jesus has given me this precious treasure of a man to love, to learn with, to grow with, to raise children with, to struggle through blended family with (ha!), to dream with and to grow old with in this life. Jesus gave me a partner, a friend, a husband. He gave me a man who loves family, values dedication and loyalty and is devoted to having a family full of love and peace and joy. He gave me a man who loves my Mia and is good to her, which is a precious gift to this mama. Thank you God for this precious gift, this precious man, this priceless treasure that is David James Dickerson.

So now, when I think of my heart, I no longer see that cracked, dry, thirsty, barren desert, instead I see a lush, beauty filled meadow, surrounded by trees that are growing tall and strong, being watered by love, nourished by the sweetness of life in Christ. I see an ocean, deep and wide made for diving in deep to learn about the heart of this man I have been given and for diving deeper into a revelation of the man Christ Jesus through the earthly reality of marriage. I see a rich, colorful, beautiful garden, loaded with fragrant flowers grown in the soil of affliction, watered by the love of God. This heart of mine....it has been redeemed, not just by Jesus, but by the love of my sweet Dave. 

So today, I will remember that God made this day and gave me this gift of life and love. I will rejoice and be glad in it. I will not waste this day. I will count it as a gift and delight in it.Thank you Jesus.